I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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