Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
