You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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