Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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