Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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