Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
