you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We left the knife in your bed.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
