She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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