Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
