The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
