He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
This house was built for laser tag.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Randomize
