and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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