dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
