Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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