just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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