Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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