I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
