On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
