Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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