Umm I'm too high to move.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
