if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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