if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
