Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
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