So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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