I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
