I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
