just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
