and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
40s are totally the cure
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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