I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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