I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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