my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
