Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Randomize
