Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
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Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
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I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested