In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Everything about him screamed your future.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
