You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
