I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
