I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
