Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
