I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
