I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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