I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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