apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
