I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize