How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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