in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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