They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i dont even know how to be here
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
