It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
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I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
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Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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