I'm lost and stupid without you.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
