After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
