If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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