toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so explain again why im purple
no
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
