When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
