Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
