so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
