Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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