I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
