so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
