This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
