They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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