Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
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Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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