he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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