check it out our google latitudes are spooning
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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