Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
