Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
