oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
