mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
