her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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