And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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