I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
